


Anger grows with love

by Slytherinbarbz



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Cute Kids, Dark Kylo Ren, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kind of AU, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo/Rey is very very minor. like 4 sentences and then it all goes to shit, Minor Character Death, Mostly Fluff, Out of Character, Parent Kylo Ren, Protective Kylo Ren, Single Father Kylo Ren, before bens redemption, force, most relationships aren't important at the beginning, switching POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22137922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slytherinbarbz/pseuds/Slytherinbarbz
Summary: Kylo Ren has to deal with raising 2 children alone. He has to find a balance between parenthood and being, well, Kylo Ren.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Han Solo, Kylo Ren & Original Character(s), Kylo Ren & Original Child Character(s), Kylo Ren & Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren & Other(s), Kylo Ren & Snoke, Kylo Ren/Rey, Leia Organa & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 24
Kudos: 30





	1. just backstory

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. So I already posted this a couple of days ago but got a few negative comments, so I deleted it. I am a 14-year-old high school student. I get hurt really easily and my writing's not the best. I am an insecure little bean. I'm not saying I'm Shakespeare, trust me I know I'm not Shakespeare, but god bare with me pls. If you don't like my fanfic, please don't attack me personally. Like damn we're both on this site for a reason, we both like this fandom and delving in deeper and fantasizing about it. If you don't like my idea, my writing, my lack of attention to detail, etc. then go read one of the million other fanfictions on the internet.  
> I'm fine with requests and I'm fine with advice, but please for the love of God don't attack my personality, my integrity, me as a person. You have no idea who I am. You don't know me in real life.  
> If you don't have anything nice to say, please don't say anything at all.  
> (fyi, constructive criticism is supposed to be well constructive to my fanfic, not destructive to my mental health.)

_ “What are you doing here, Kylo?” Rey asked him. _

_ “If you didn’t want me to be here, I wouldn’t be. You summoned me.” Kylo Ren replied. _

_ “Did you come alone? Should I be expecting an army of stormtroopers right around the corner, waiting to kill all my friends?” Rey spat at him with disgust, though deep inside she knew the answer. Her bond with Kylo was… special. He could never hurt her. No matter how much he tried to convince everyone, including himself, otherwise. _

_ “Yes, I came alone.” Kylo rolled his eyes. _

That night they talked a lot. The talking led to something much more intimate. It was a night of passion and love. Both knew that the day after they’d have to go back to their lives, in which they were enemies, but just for that one night, they were someone else.

After that night they both agreed that it would be best to part ways. It just wasn’t meant to be. Kylo Ren went back to being the leader of the First Order, and Rey was going to go back to the base. Keyword: going to. She never showed. At first, everyone was worried. No one knew where she’d gone. The resistance kept it all under wraps, fearing they’d appear weak and the enemy would use it against them.

Rey sent them a cryptic message after a couple of months, probably hearing the rumors and not being able to bear the thought of her friends grieving assuming the worst. All she said was that she was okay.

The truth is she got pregnant. With twins in fact. She already had so much love for them, even before they were born. She didn’t want them to grow up in the middle of a war that showed no sign of stopping, but she also couldn’t just give up. She devised a plan: She was going to go into hiding for the duration of the pregnancy, after that she was going to separate the twins; give them to 2 different families, on 2 different planets. She figured that was safest, in case one got discovered, the other still had a chance at a normal life.

She couldn’t tell Kylo. He would want to raise them to join the Dark Side and she couldn’t have that.

She hid in a small little cabin on a barely populated planet. That’s also where she had the babies, all by herself. It was a tiresome pregnancy. She was constantly blocking out Kylo and since the planet had hardly any inhabitants, food wasn’t easily accessible. Fortunately, she met an old lady on one of her food runs, Nina. They grew quite close and Nina was a huge help.

When the twins were born they were fraternal. The boy was born first. Rey didn’t want to grow too attached to the children, it would make saying goodbye that much harder. So she decided not to name them. She left the oldest with Nina and then took the little girl with her on her ship to travel to a different planet.

Rey wanted the twins to be as far apart as possible so the trip to the planet where the girl would reside was long. The journey made them bond and when they finally arrived she just couldn’t leave. So she decided she would stay and raise that little girl. She would teach her to defend herself and be a good person and when she was old enough she would let the child decide her own destiny, fight in the war or stay where they were.

What she didn’t know was that during labor Kylo Ren appeared. She was in too much pain to even notice he was there. He saw her give birth to two little babies, a boy, and a girl. He connected the dots and figured they had to be his. He was furious that Rey wouldn’t inform him. 

He sought out to find her and after a few months, he arrived at the planet where the little boy was born. He found his child in a little cot with an older woman, Rey was nowhere to be seen. Using the force he got all the information out of Nina, before mercilessly slaughtering her.

When he held Leo (Leonardo), that’s what Nina decided to name him, for the first time something sparked in him. He felt warm inside and so much love for that little boy, but also so much anger. He had another child that was going to be raised by strangers, all because Rey was a wicked bitch. Withhold a child from its father. How could you do something like that? What if his daughter was going to be raised by bad people that will hurt her? And she’d be raised in hiding, never really knowing who she was. If she’d ever find out she was ‘adopted’ she’d think he didn’t her.

The thought of his children being hurt made him physically ill. While his son was now safely with him, his daughter was out there with strangers and an uncertain future. 

The day he found love in Leo (and his daughter), he found utter hatred for Rey. He was ruthless. He swore to himself he’d find his daughter and after he would make Rey pay. 

He started taking out his anger on everyone around him, growing to be even crueler than he already was. 

However, he’d make sure little Leo would grow up with a good father figure he could look up to. He was always patient with Leo and never even raised his voice at him.


	2. Darkness

It’s been four years since Kylo found Leo. They have been quite happy together. At first, some of his followers were opposed to Kylo raising his own son, they thought it would make him soft. What kind of strong, ruthless leader sang bedtime stories and changed diapers? Kylo soon proved all of them wrong. Anyone who dared to speak against Kylo and his son was brutally slaughtered.

Kylo was good at keeping his personal life separated from his ‘work’ life. None of his decisions were influenced by Leo because of ‘but what if it were  _ my _ son who was killed’. Although he wouldn’t admit it so straightforwardly to Leo, serving the First Order came first.

Yes, it pained him when he came home after a long, tiresome trip to find his son had said his first word: mama, to Phasma of all people, but he didn’t sulk for too long, as Leo soon said ‘dada’ and not long thereafter a lot of other words. Sometimes it even got annoying. 

Though the past four years spent with Leo had been the happiest of Kylo’s life, there was a great, ever-growing sadness for his other child. He needed to know she was okay. He’d been trying to contact Rey through the Force for years now, but she’s still blocking him. Even when she was part of the Resistance she never blocked him out completely. This led him to the theory that she was still with their daughter. It strengthened when his spies informed him Rey never returned to the Resistance.

Right now, though, he was happy. He forgot all his worries when he was with Leo. It was bath time and Leo was playing with the bubbles while Kylo tried to wash him, but Leo really wasn’t making it easy for him.

“Leo, please hold still. Just for a little bit while I wash your hair.” Kylo pleaded.

“Daddy, play with me!” Leo giggled while splashing water everywhere. Kylo sighed.

“Okay, let’s play pretend. I am an evil wizard who wants to kill you, so you have to hold very still to trick me into thinking you’re just a statue.” Kylo thought he was being very creative and smart when he used the ‘game’ as an excuse, but instead, it just made Leo cry.

“I don’t want you to be evil!” Leo cried out and was splashing more water.

“No, Leo. I’m not-” Kylo was interrupted by his comm beeping. 

This made him angry. Everyone knew not to disturb him when he was with his son. Nevertheless, he stepped out of the bathroom, away from Leo’s cries, but with the door open to keep an eye on him.

“What!?” He spat at the comm. “-and this better be important. Everyone knows not to disturb me when I’m spending time with my son.”

“Yes, I apologize for my Lord, but-” Phasma sighed deeply before continuing. “We have reason to believe we have Rey’s location. We believe she’s on Pluto  **(lol idk? A/N)** with a child.”

“ _ My _ child.” Kylo seethed. “Send someone down here- better yet come down here yourself and watch Leo, while I prepare to go to Pluto.”

“Yes, my Lord.” The comm switched off. Phasma was annoyed at being made babysitter but she knew better than to say anything about it; Kylo was very protective about Leo. He probably saw this as a huge honor.

Kylo quickly got Leo out of the bath and dressed before Phasma came. He explained to him that he had to go on a mission and would be gone for a while. Leo got emotional and was about to start a tantrum right as Phasma came in. Kylo quickly kissed him and let Phasma deal with his breakdown while he went to his room and got all his necessities. 

-

-

Kylo was a few minutes away from Rey's supposed location. He had so much energy and anger wound up inside him that he was going to slaughter a lot of people if she wasn’t there. He was on a ship with about 10 stormtroopers accompanying him. The ship was in cloak mode so Rey wouldn’t see them coming and wouldn’t have the time to escape.

Right as they were approaching land he saw a shuttle on the ground.  _ Rey’s _ shuttle. He knew she was there. He was so close to reuniting with his daughter, the thought made his stomach flutter.

When they landed they ordered everyone to run to the little house Rey was staying in as fast as possible, but not to kill or harm Rey or the child. Kylo took his time walking to the house, just to torture Rey with the fear of not knowing what was going to happen.

When he walked into the house he saw a couple of stormtroopers dead on the floor while one remained alive, holding his daughter in his arms with his blaster raised. Then he saw Rey. Lightsaber raised, anger in her eyes. Kylo used the Force to make Rey drop her weapon and kneel to the ground.

“Hello, Rey. It’s been a while.” Kylo said with a scarily calm voice, dripping with venom.

“Kylo, I’m sorry but she is my child! I need to protect her. She needs me! You can’t take her away from me, or me away from her.” Rey pleaded with tears in her eyes, ready to spill.

“Like you did to me?” Kylo let out a dry laugh. “What about our other child, hm? Well,  _ my _ child. A real mother wouldn’t leave one child to be raised by a stranger but keep the other. Don’t worry. I got him almost right away. He’s a happy kid, full of life, like you won’t be very soon.”

“Kylo, please-” Rey tried, tears finally falling.

“Enough!” Kylo screamed, interrupting her. His raised voice alarmed the, until now, silent child. She started crying of fear. “Now look what you’ve done.” Kylo took off his mask, fearing it was making the child scared, and approached her. 

“What’s your name, kid.” The kid got even more scared and turned her head away, into the neck of the surviving stormtrooper. This made Kylo a bit sad and jealous. His own child fearing him. It was all Rey’s fault. He turned back to her.

“What did you name her?” He asked. Rey didn’t answer, so he used the force to get it out of her.

“Valerie” Rey choked out. “Kylo-  _ Ben, _ I’m all she knows. I know you’re angry at me, but killing me will hurt her. You don’t want that, right?” Rey tried to convince Kylo, but using that name… she thought it would help, but it only made him angrier.

“Maybe,” He humored her. ”you’re right.” He walked closer to her. “But maybe,” He swiftly took out his lightsaber and stuck it through her guts. “you’re wrong.”

At the sight, Valerie started screaming and crying. 

“MOMMY!” Tears started streaming down her cheeks.

Kylo took her out of the stormtroopers' arms and told him he did well and his good deeds wouldn’t be forgotten. Then they walked back to the ship, where Kylo put the ship on autopilot, en route back to the Finalizer. Valerie was still inconsolable. It pained Kylo to hear her cries for her mother, especially because he was the cause of the cries, but he did what needed to be done.

“Stop crying.” He used the Force to try to calm Valerie down. Yes, he felt a bit guilty for using the Force on her, but it was just this one time. No point in crying over someone who’s gone and was going to ruin her life.

She didn’t stop crying.

How could this be? No one has ever been able to do that except Rey and Luke, and only after years of training and understanding. Maybe he wasn’t focused enough, so he tried again, with a bit more power. She still didn’t stop crying, but this time he felt a sort pushback. Not physical, but it felt physical. 

Then it clicked in his mind. She was force sensitive and they had a bond, connected by the force. She already had so much power and she was just 4! That’s when he knew she would grow up to possess more power than us all. She could be very dangerous. And for a split second Kylo wondered if Leo would be safe around her. Then he pushed that thought out of the way. 

‘I’ll raise them together. They’ll love each other and they’ll always be there for each other. She wouldn’t hurt him’ Kylo thought. But then doubts started to creep into his mind. ‘What if it’s by accident? What if she can’t control it? Or what if she  _ likes _ it?’

Maybe he shouldn’t have killed her mother in front of her. No, it’s not a maybe. He’s certain of it. How could he have been so stupid? Maybe it awoke a darkness in her, that would result in her injuring Leo?

Although Valerie soon grew tired and fell asleep in his arms, he wasn’t sure how she’d be when she woke up. 

He decided he needed to erase her memory. He set a detour for a different planet where he got a plant that would make her forget everything. It would be a fresh start for her and their family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made up a few things to help with the story. I'll be doing that a lot, but the details won't rly matter because this fic is more about Leo and Valerie's relationship and Kylo's relationship with them.


	3. Firsts and beginnings

Kylo and Valerie had just landed and were on their way to Kylo’s quarters. They got a few strange looks, but mostly because Kylo wasn’t wearing his mask, but it was because Valerie had yet to grow used to it and was therefore afraid of it. They all already knew she existed. They walked holding hands and she was under his cloak. Valerie was unfamiliar with the place and it all just seemed so big to her. She tugged a bit on his leg and looked at everything with wide eyes. She hadn’t talked much yet, probably because she was so scared. She didn’t know anything. Like at all. Her mind was erased of everything, so Kylo was trying his best to make her feel safe.

They arrived at Kylo’s quarters and he wanted her to meet Leo right away, but maybe it was a little much, so he decided he wanted to make her comfortable here first.

When he got Leo his room he made Valerie one as well, right next to Leo’s, even though he had never met her yet. Kylo knew the day would come that they’d meet and wanted to be prepared. He even got her presents on her birthday every year! They’re all sitting in her room, still wrapped.

Kylo led her to her new room.

“Val, this is your room.” He said softly. Valerie looked from out of his cape and he nudged her to walk freely. “It’s okay. Nobody’s here except us.” That made her feel a bit better and she started walking around the room. She walked toward the shelf with all the wrapped presents on them, obviously intrigued. It made Kylo chuckle a bit.

“Go ahead, open them if you want. They’re all for you. I’m really excited to have you here. Have been for years.” He expected her to open the biggest one, but instead, she took the smallest little box. It warmed Kylo’s heart, so cute.

In the box, there was a little necklace with a golden clock charm attached. Kylo signaled for her to come over.

“I’ve waited so long and now you’re finally here, angel.” He ran his hand over her head and cupped her cheek. “Want me to put it on?” Valerie nodded yes. As soon as her father put it on, Valerie stuck the charm in her mouth. “Hey, we don’t want to do that.” Kylo laughed a bit and took it out of her mouth. Little did he know she wouldn’t take it off for years to come.

Kylo took Valerie on his lap. “Val,” He started to talk but had to stop to smile and admire her cute little face. She looked up at him with big, wide eyes and eyebrows raised. “Val, you have a brother and he’s very excited that you’re here.” He continued. “I’d like you to meet him. Do you feel up to it?” She shrugged and then stuck the charm back into her mouth.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Kylo chuckled.

They walked next door and Kylo knocked on the door. Right then Valerie snuck back under his cape, gripping his leg. “Leo? I’m back and I have someone very special for you to meet.” Kylo opened the door and walked in, half dragging Valerie while she clung to his leg.

“Daddy!” Leo exclaimed and ran towards Kylo, arms open for a hug. “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too, son.” Kylo bent down on one knee to hug Leo back. After a little while, Leo pulled away, eyeing the familiar-looking stranger standing behind his father.

“Leo, this is Valerie. Valerie, this is Leo. You’re siblings.” Kylo introduced them. Both looked confused at Kylo, instead of each other and then Kylo realized they didn’t know what it meant. “Siblings are brothers and sisters.” Kylo cracked a smile. Leo’s brows furrowed. 

‘Oh, no.’ Kylo thought. He was fearing that Leo might be jealous, but it disappeared when Leo suddenly stuck out his hand and smiled. 

“Hi!” He said with a stupid grin.

“Hello.” Valerie whispered softly while shaking his hand warily.

“Do you wanna play with my toys, vawe- varer- velel-” He huffed and crossed his arms. “You have a stupid name. I can’t even say it!”

“Okay,” Valerie replied simply while blinking her big eyes. It was really funny, but Kylo had to hold back his laughter.

“Leo! That’s not very nice.” Kylo scolded.

“Sorry.” Leo said sheepishly. “I’ll just call you Val from now on, okay?”

“Okay.” Valerie replied with that same simple and soft tone.

“Now come on and play!” Leo grabbed her hand and ran to his little cars.

At first, Leo was mostly the one making any effort, but within no time they were playing and talking like they’ve known each other for years. It made Kylo so happy. He could stare at them playing for hours. He only left to get them some food.

It was getting late now.

“Okay guys, time for bed. Let’s tidy up.” Kylo helped them pick up all the toys. And then put Leo’s pajamas on and tucked him in. Then he and Valerie told Leo goodnight and they went to her room so she could sleep as well. He just wanted to change her into pajamas when he remembered she doesn’t have any clothes here.

“Fuck.” He muttered under his breath, thinking Valerie couldn’t hear. Oh, was he wrong.

“What’s ‘fuck’?” Valerie asked with a confused look on her innocent face. Kylo wasn’t prepared to answer the question so he just made a mental note that he should stop cursing and came up with a bad excuse.

“It’s just gibberish, honey.”

“Okay.” She replied. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” She sang as if it were a song. Kylo’s eyes opened wide. He picked her up in his arms.

“No, sweety, it’s  _ bad _ gibberish. You’re not allowed to say it.” Then he took her out of her room into his across the hall, whilst changing the subject. “So first thing tomorrow I’ll get you some new clothes, but for tonight one of my T-shirts should do.” He picked out his smallest shirt and put it on Valerie. She practically sunk in it. It was so cute. He picked her up again, taking her back to her room. Her little legs and feet were lost in the T-shirt.

He tucked her into the bed and placed a goodnight kiss on her forehead. 

“And Valerie, if there’s anything you need, anything at all, my room’s just across the hall.” He reminded her before switching off the lights.

Just as he was getting into bed himself he heard his door open. Standing there in the doorframe was Valerie. Her little arms hung loosely next to her little body. Kylo’s T-shirt hid her almost completely. She looked even smaller than she already was.

“Valerie, what’s wrong?” He asked, sitting up slightly. She didn’t answer but he understood. This was all so new to her. She was just scared. With the force, he picked her up and placed her next to him in his bed. She giggled as she was being levitated. 

She snuggled up next to him, bringing her knees to her chest, making her half the size of his pillow! 

Kylo switched off the light and covered her with a blanket. This moment, this day, blew a light into him. They fell asleep there. Kylo forgetting he had just murdered her mother days before.


	4. Getting comfortable

It’s been a few months since Valerie came home. She was shy and scared at first, but within no time she grew comfortable. She had been getting along great with Leo and Kylo, and with the others on the Finalizer. She had even made Hux seem cuddly. He had a soft spot for her. Her bond with Kylo grew as well, though Kylo was a bit sad he didn’t share that same, natural bond with Leo. He tried dearly to make up for it by spending more time with Leo. 

Leo and Valerie were inseparable. They did (almost) everything together and rarely fought. They had a strong bond, not a Force-bond, no. Something much more special than that: A sibling bond. When one was sad, the other was sad as well. When one was angry at someone else, the other became angry too, at times not even knowing why; they just automatically sided with each other.

Though this was adorable, it was quite vexing for Kylo when  _ he _ was the one they were angry at.

They were a bit competitive with each other, but it was harmless. At times even a motivator. It made them work harder. Valerie was usually the one winning. She was a smart kid and a very quick learner, though a bit lazy when it came to anything physical, but when it was firmly asked of her, she could do just about anything. Leo, on the other hand, was lazy when it came to academics, but excelled at physical activities.

Kylo wanted to start their training at a very young age. Even though they hadn’t made contact with a lot of people, they already had a lot of enemies. Kylo knew they wouldn’t have the easiest lives and, although he would always try to be there to protect them, that’s not a promise he could for sure make. They needed to learn to defend themselves.

Both Leo and Valerie were Force sensitive, but Valerie caught on much quicker. She learned faster than even Kylo at her age! She was very powerful. This was most apparent during her tantrums. When she had them the room would just shake and everyone tensed up. The only person that could really calm her down was Leo, which honestly was quite cute.

Hux had suggested to at some point let Leo and Valerie interact with kids their own age and Kylo thought this was a good idea, but wanted Valerie to get comfortable with Leo and himself first.

Contact with other kids would help with their social skills and maybe make them feel less lonely when he was away on missions. And he really couldn’t have Hux being their only friend. 

Kylo decided they could go to Vardos and there they could make friends and train. He wouldn’t even have to be there. They could stay there and he’d go on the lengthier missions during school and when they had vacation they would come home and they’d spend time together and Kylo could teach them about the Force.

But that’s for later. For now, they’d stay here, with him. 

Currently, they were in the kitchen in their quarters. Kylo was making them a little snack while they thumb wrestled. 

“I win! Daddy, I won!” Leo exclaimed!

“Good job, son.” Kylo congratulated. He shot a glance at Valerie and, using their bond, she revealed she had let him win, again. Yes, Valerie was competitive, but she was also very empathetic. She didn’t like to see her brother sad. She didn’t want him to feel insecure and incompetent. So once in a while, she’d let him win. 

Kylo was very proud of Valerie and how smart and independent she was, but it sometimes made him feel for Leo. He tried to make up for it in some ways, so Leo would know he was loved either way. It helped that Valerie was so loving and let him win sometimes and how she never rubbed it in his face.

What Kylo didn’t know is that Valerie was starting to feel a bit insecure herself. She felt like her father loved Leo more than her, with all the extra time he spent with him. It hurt her and made her feel a bit jealous of Leo, but she’d never take it out on him; He was her brother. It wasn’t his fault she felt like that. She loved him no matter what, her jealousy didn’t put a dent in their relationship. She made sure it would never show. Kylo couldn’t even feel it through their bond. It was her secret.

She loved Leo so much. He understood her perfectly, even if she didn’t understand herself. They did and shared everything together. Sometimes when either of them had a nightmare they sensed each others fear. The other always came to comfort the one and they’d sleep together for that night.

Kylo always got a mini-heart attack when he didn’t find one of his children in their beds, but his heart warmed up at the sight of them cuddling together. Their twin bond made things easier on him. He didn’t have to wake up in the middle of the night to comfort them when they had a nightmare, they just did it themselves!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So what did you think of this chapter? Any requests? And I was thinking of maybe making this a series and updating the like plot things here and putting cute fluffy moments from Leo and Valerie's childhoods, that don't add a lot to the plot into a different work so that this work won't get too long.  
> Also, so on Vardos there's like a military school, but since this is kind of an AU I wanted to make it into just a boarding school for kids of people in the First Order or something along the lines of that.  
> thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

The kids are wrestling in the training room right now, but to make it a ‘fair’ fight, Valerie was blindfolded. When Kylo first walked in on that he was confused, but then he was glad. He was glad Leonardo wasn’t jealous resentful towards Valerie, and he was glad they found a solution, instead of training separately. They loved spending time together and were practically inseparable.

Maybe Kylo wasn’t giving Leo enough credit. He’d just expected Leo to be jealous and angry because that’s how Kylo would feel. Thankfully, Leo is turning into a better person than him.

Kylo was so hellbent on trying to keep the kids civil and evade any jealousy, that he started training Leo more than Valerie. He knew that if he’d given Valerie the same attention she could easily reach her true potential, but he was always really worried for Leo. He was so worried for Leo that he forgot to worry about Valerie. 

Val was only 6, so her problems weren’t that bad, but sometimes she noticed herself getting angry and sad for no reason she could pinpoint. One time she found Kylo and Leo training without her. They hadn’t even told her. She felt jealous for a split second, but her love for her brother replaced her jealousy with sadness and anger that was directed at Kylo. She was too young to fully understand that, and she never stayed sad or mad for long, but she felt those emotions nevertheless.

Kylo walked into the training room with a somber look on his face.

“Kids, can you stop wrestling for a second. We need to talk.” The kids stopped fighting almost immediately and jogged over to their father.

“She did it! I’m innocent, I saw her do it with my own eyes!” Leo exclaimed. He thought his father was angry because of the vase he broke that morning, and being the lovely brother he is, he blamed it on his sister.

“Not true! He broke it, I just helped him cover his tracks!” Valerie turned to Leonardo with a venomous look on her face. She’s helped him clean everything up, and he dares blame her? 

“Broke what?” Kylo asked still holding his serious face, but holding in a smile.

“Nothing.” The kids said simultaneously.

“We’ll talk about it later. Anyways, a very important general passed away and we have to attend his funeral to show respect. It’s tomorrow.” Kylo explained.

“We don’t know a general.” Leo said confused.

“Yes, but I do and he was really important to the First Order, so I have to attend his funeral and it would be disrespectful if you didn’t come along.”

“But-” Leo started to protest because he would much rather play with his toys than pretend to mourn someone he didn’t even know. Valerie interrupted him.

“Okay, daddy.” Kylo smiled and ruffled her hair. After that he let them get back to training.

“Why didn’t you protest?” Leo asked Valerie.

“Dad said we had to go. He wasn’t asking. Protesting would’ve just made him angry.” She understood Kylo like nobody else could. She rarely got on his nerves, she knew when to stop talking and asking things, not that he could stay mad at her anyway. Leo, on the other hand, didn’t share the same bond. Valerie was his buffer. Anytime he was about to say something insensitive she interrupted him and shot him a glance. Most of the time he knew what it meant and shut up. Later on, he’d ask her to explain, hoping he could also know when to speak and when to shut up.

-

-

They were at the funeral. There weren’t a lot of people there and everyone was dressed in black. Kylo even took off his mask to show respect, and also because he always took it off in front of the kids. Leo and Valerie were standing a bit behind their father because they were quite shy. They weren’t used to a lot of social contact.

Suddenly Valerie spots a little boy around her age across the room. Maybe a bit older. He looked sad. She pulled on Kylo’s cape.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, honey?” Kylo answered looking down.

“Who’s that little boy over there? He looks sad.” She asked.

“That’s Nate. He’s the general's son.”

“So he doesn’t have a dad anymore?” She asked with concern.

“I’m afraid so.”

There was a little silence until Valerie started talking again.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, Valerie?” 

“Will you please not die and stay with me?” Valerie asked with such innocence, while Kylo was dumbfounded.

“Of course, honey. Look, I’m not going anywhere. I have the Force to protect me, the general didn’t. You don’t have to worry.” He said after crouching down to her level.

“Okay.” She shot him a little smile. “I’m going to go play with Nate.” She stated and skipped off to the boy to console him.

“Hello.” She said to Nate.

“Hello. Who are you?” Nate asked Valerie with a mono tone.

“I’m Valerie, but you can call me Val.” She replied.

“Okay, Val. I’m Nate.”

“I know.” There was an awkward pause until Nate broke it.

“Want to go to my room and play?” He asked.

“Sure.”

They went to his room and started playing. They didn’t talk at all about the death. Instead, they talked about their interests and lives. Nate started talking about his best friend and then asked Valerie about her. She replied that she only has her brother. At that moment Nate declared that he was now Valerie’s best and only friend and that Dylan has other friends. He could find a different best friend.

Soon Leo joined them. He got bored listening to his father talk business with a lot of people he doesn’t know.

From that day on, they were all best friends. At first, they would send each other holoprojectors and letters and later on, they’d go to school together. They were all very close and didn’t keep any secrets from each other. Their friendship grew through the years, and years there were many.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a semi-AU, so a lot of the aspects are very 'irl human' like, just to make the plot easier, like the funeral. It was very formal and stuff.  
> What did you guys think of this chapter? Any fluff requests?   
> thanks for ready. <3


	6. Valerie finds out.

(Valerie, 6 years old)

Dad was on a mission. He’s been away for so long and I missed him so much. Hux spent time with me, but it didn’t really feel that nice. Hux was mean sometimes. Leo loved spending time with him, though. Leo loved everyone.

Nate came by a few times. That was nice. We played a lot and play fought as well. He was a better match for me than Leo. He challenged me. I love Leo a lot, more than anyone else. More than dad. But he didn’t take anything that seriously. He trained more than I did, but he was too lazy to get any better.

Dad was finally coming home today. No more missing him and most importantly, no more Hux! I could sense dad coming. I just felt him. I couldn’t wait to hug him. Right now I was drawing a drawing for dad. Leo was making a painting.

Suddenly I jumped up. I felt dad coming. He was finally home! Soon Leo jumped up as well, because he heard the loud noises that dad’s boots make. Dad opened the door and there he was… but he was still wearing his helmet. Now I know that it’s just dad underneath, but I still hate that stupid thing. Dad noticed my disgusted face.

“Sorry, I forgot to take it off.” He said sheepishly, but it sounded scary because the mask made his voice that much deeper. He took off his mask, but when I saw what was under I wished he didn’t. I sensed Leo tensing up as well.

Dad had a big scar on his face. “Oh, come on, kids. Just a little scrape. Come ‘ere.” He said as he bent down with open arms. Leo snapped out of his trance and ran to dad. A second later I followed.

As soon as I hugged dad I felt cold and immediately let go. I took a step back and looked at his face.

“What’s the matter, Valerie?” He asked with concern.

“Why are you… cold?” I stumbled over my words a bit.

“Are- are you cold? Wh- I don’t understand, honey.” Dad was confused.

“You’re just… different. What happened?”

“Nothing to worry your pretty head over.” He ruffled my hair and placed a kiss on my forehead. That’s when I tried to reach into his head and see what happened. Dad wasn’t expecting it and for a split second, I saw. It was a flash, Just a miniscule moment, before dad blocked me out.

“Valerie! What the hell?!” He exclaimed with anger. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t.

“You said a bad word, daddy.” Leo snickered. He didn’t understand. I didn’t want him to understand.

“GO to your room!” Dad screamed at me. But I don’t think it was… him? He wasn’t angry at me. He was angry with himself. He was scared for me. I know him better than he knows himself.

Leo looked a bit concerned, but I shot him a reassuring glance. Then I left and went to my room. Hux heard dads little screamfest and came into my room shortly after. He teased me a lot, but he didn’t this time. I started crying, but not because of dad screaming at me, but because of what I saw. 

Hux consoled me. He even put me on his lap while he hugged me. Soon I calmed down and got very tired. Hux tucked me in my bed and left. 

Then I was alone. Soon I drifted into sleep.

_ “You DARE betray me? I AM the Supreme Leader!” Kylo Ren bellowed. He was surrounded by stormtroopers who were to aid him on his mission, but they turned on him. _

_ “But you’re not OUR leader.” One stated as he stepped forward and raised his weapon. He shot. It grazed Kylo’s face. This angered him even more. Then he proceeded to slaughter them all, one by one, leading them to an agonizing death. _

_ Once they were all lying dead on the ground, Kylo continued his mission without batting an eye, without looking back and without feeling a shred of remorse. _

I woke up crying. Usually when I had a nightmare I’d cuddle with Leo, but this was no nightmare. This was reality. My father was capable of doing vile things, I didn’t think he was capable of doing. To me, he was always gentle and loving. I can’t wrap my mind around this.

  
  
  


Kylo POV.

  
  


I was pacing across my room. I’d been furious, but I put my emotions aside and spent the day with Leo. He didn’t understand a thing. And it pained me that Valerie understood. Leo’s now asleep, and I’m left with my fury again.

Truthfully, I’m mad at myself. I should have seen this coming. I couldn’t hide reality from them forever, but I wasn’t expecting to have no control over them, well Valerie, finding out. And I hadn’t expected it to be so soon. It was too soon. Valerie should just be a kid.

I can’t believe I screamed at her. I always made sure to turn…  _ Kylo _ off when I was with the kids. I shouldn’t have screamed at her. It didn’t help that Hux told me she was crying and he had to calm her down.  _ Hux _ being a better parent than me?

Suddenly I felt a strong feeling of fear and sorrow wash over me. It hit me like a wave. Almost knocked the air out of me.  _ Valerie.  _ I rushed out of my room into hers. As I opened the door I saw her tearstained face, clutching onto her blanket for dear life. It broke my heart. When she noticed my presence she just stared.

“Val… can we talk?” I asked her softly. She didn’t reply. She just stared at me. I came in and closed the door behind me. I walked over to her, slowly, and I was just about to take her onto my lap out of habit, but decided against it. Instead, I sat at the far edge of her bed.

“Valerie, the world is a scary place. I try my best to make it as safe as possible for you and Leo and sometimes that costs a price, but it’s a price I’m willing to pay, if it means keeping both of you safe. Everything I do, I do for you. Sweety, I’m sorry. I truly am. Please can you forgive me?” I gave her a small, needy smile. I saw her face soften a bit, just a bit. She looked down at her hands and showed the faintest nod. I sighed with relief.

I remembered the reason I stormed in here, she was scared. She couldn’t sleep. Usually, she’d just sleep in my bed if she were scared, but considering I’m the one she’s scared of it might not be the best idea. But then the best idea popped into my head.

“Hey, Val? How about we go wake up your brother and build a fort in my room?” As soon as the words left my mouth her face lit up and she nodded a big, big yes. “Okay, come on. I’ll give you a piggyback ride.” She loved those. I turned around, crunched a little bit as Valerie climbed on my back. She held onto my neck (choking me a bit) as we rushed into Leo’s room.

We had a lot of fun building the fort. Yes, even I, a grown man and the Supreme Leader, enjoyed building a fort. That day started out horrible, but ended up being one of our fondest memories as a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, what did you guys think?  
> And omg it's my birthday in an hour and a half lol wtf.


	7. Leo fluff

(Flashback chapter, Leo is 2-3, Valerie’s not in the family yet)

“This is preposterous! It’s too obvious. We wouldn’t have the slightest shot at-” Kylo Ren was rambling to the rest of the generals when the door opened slightly, it made a hell of a lot of noise, though. “Who the fu-” He was about to cuss out and kill whoever dared to interrupt his very important meeting when he saw a 3-footk]

little boy standing at the door.

“Dada!” The little kid wobbled over to the Supreme Leader like a baby penguin. Kylo’s hard and serious face did a 180°. It turned soft and a small grin appeared. 

The little boy finally reached Kylo and started tugging on his cloak. Kylo bent down and swung the boy into his arms, which made him giggle.

“What are you doing outside of your room, young man.” Kylo said teasingly in a baby voice. The generals around him were dumbfounded. Seconds ago this man was screaming at them and now he turned into… a loving father?

One of the generals cleared his throat and stepped forward. “Uhm.. sir? All due respect, we don’t have time to-” Kylo hushed him.

“I say we have time.” Kylo said with a serious and venomous voice.

“Yes, but sir-” A different general tried to speak up as well but was choked with a Force hand.

“Anyone who dares question my decisions will see serious consequences. FIgure something out, and make sure it works!” Kylo declared and after walking out of the room. Letting go of the general's throat seconds after leaving.

-

-

(Leo is a little less than 1)

“Look Leo. It’s like a spaceship! Open up!” I was trying to feed Leo, but he’s a picky eater. He won’t eat anything! No matter what I try. Maybe if I try distracting him. Maybe peekaboo?

“Peekaboo! I see you!” I said in my baby-voice. He started laughing! That’s when I took my shot and fed him a spoonful of baby food. I finally did it!

He was chewing, but then he sneezed all his food out… on me. Right then Hux walked in.

“Ren, you better not have sent-” He stopped dead in his tracks and then burst into laughter.

“Hux! You know my quarters are off limits!” I was furious and a bit embarrassed. 

“Awww. Daddy-Ren. The great  _ Supreme Leader, _ can’t handle feeding a wittwe baby.” He teased.

“Hux, I swear-” I started speaking but was cut off again by laughter… a different laugh. There she was, Phasma was standing in the doorway, holding her stomach from the laughter.

“Okay, that’s it! Everybody out!” I bellowed! They kept laughing, so I pushed them out with the force.

As soon as the door closed, Leo started giggling. His adorable laugh made me smile as I wiped his food off my face. “Yeah, your dad’s a joke.” I wiped Leo’s mouth and placed a kiss on his head.

-

-

I was coming back from my first mission since Leo came into my life. I’ve been gone a while, but coming back to him motivated me to work harder so I came back almost 2 weeks early.

I love that kid so much, and missed him almost more. I can’t believe he’s almost a year old. I’ll have to plan something special for his birthday. I can’t even imagine how I lived my life before hi, I mean now my whole life revolves around him. Everything I do now, I do for him. 

I’d just landed my ship and was now walking towards my quarters. I told Phasma to watch Leo. She’d be relieved to see me come home early. She thinks she’s  _ too good _ to babysit. She’s one of, if not  _ the _ , best fighter in the galaxy, but that’s precisely why she’s the only one I can trust. In my eyes, I’m giving her the biggest compliment.

I walked into Leo’s room to find him and Phasma playing on the floor. They both turned their heads towards me and Leo’s eyes lit up. 

“Da-da” He exclaimed and then, he did something I was not expecting. He stood up and wobbled over to me. I was stunned. Phasma was shocked as well.

When he finally reached me I picked him up and threw him into the air and then spun him in my arms.

“That’s my boy!” I was overcome with joy. I’ll remember this moment forever.

-

-

(Leo’s just 2 months old)

I was changing Leo’s diaper for the fourth time today, though it felt like the millionth. 

“Aren’t you just a little poop.” I teased him. “Yes, you are. Yes, you are!” I said in a baby voice.

That’s when he laughed for the first time. I was ecstatic.

“Holy Force! Did you- I can’t-” I was at a loss of words. “Atta boy!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I've been giving Valerie too much attention so this chapter's just a bunch of moments from Leo's childhood. On another note, I hate birthdays with a passion so I skipped school today, which means detention and angry parents. I get so depressed on and around my bday oops lol. But at least I wrote this which makes me feel kinda warm inside.  
> ANyways I love childhood fluff and writing it, so any fluffy ideas you'd like to see, tell me lol


	8. crashing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING for abuse.

(Kids are 14)

It’s the first day of school. Well technically it’s the day before, but they were already getting ready for it. ‘Till this day both Leo and Val had been homeschooled, but now that they’re starting highschool they’re going to Vardos with other kids their age.

Leo and Valerie are excited and nervous. They won’t be completely alone, because Nate’s going there too. Leo was hoping to get to be roommates with Nate, and Valerie was hoping to be alone. She wasn’t the most social person, unlike Nate. She spent a lot of time in her room studying. Since Leo and Kylo spent so much time studying together, she just did it alone, and boy did it pay off. She was already ahead of most seniors.

The older the kids got, the less Valerie got along with her father and the closer Leo got to him. Kylo often took Leo with him to short, safe missions, but Valerie never came with, not that Kylo bothered to ask her. Leo always did though. Leo was always there for her. Him and Nate. They’re about the only reason Valerie even goes out of her room. They keep her sane.

“Val?” Kylo knocked on Valerie’s door while opening it.

“Yeah?” Valerie turned around to face him. Right now, she was packing to leave. 

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Kylo asked.

“Almost.” She answered.

“Are you excited? Nervous?” 

“Both.” Truthfully, she was more excited than nervous. This was a chance for her to be free, to be herself.

“Well, don’t worry too much. I’m sure you’ll fit right in.” Kylo tried to console. Valerie scoffed in response.

“I think you might be forgetting who you are,  _ Kylo Ren. _ ” She rolled her eyes with a little laugh.

“Well, actually that’s what I’m here about.” Kylo sat down on a chair and motioned for Valerie to sit as well. “So as far as anyone knows at Vargos you and Leo aren’t related to me. I think that’ll make things easier on you.”

“Okay, dad. Is that all?” Valerie asked.

“Well, it’s your last day here. I won’t see you for a while and you might not be able to contact me either since I'll be going on longer missions now, so well I thought we could spend a little time together before you leave, we haven’t really spent time with each other one on one in a while.” Kylo explained. Truthfully, Kylo had been quite nervous- probably even more than the kids. What if something happened? Or someone found out they were his kids and decide to take revenge? Who would protect them? They might not even able to contact him.

“And who’s fault is that?” Valerie said somewhat bitterly. She’d been holding in all this anger for a while, a really long while. A part of her thought maybe it was all in her head, but here Kylo was acknowledging it which set something off in her. 

“What?” Kylo was dumbfounded. “Kid, what do you mean?”

“Nothing, nevermind.” Valerie sighed with a bit of anger in her tone. If she wanted to talk about it, she would’ve already. No point in starting this fight now, right before leaving. It wouldn’t fix anything.

“Val… it’s okay. You can tell me. What’s going on.” Kylo asked with concern and guilt. Part of him already put together what was going on. He always gave Leo a lot of attention. They went on missions together, trained together, but only so that Leo wouldn’t feel left out compared to Valerie. She never complained about it or asked to join them, so he’d figured she didn’t care. He should’ve known better. Phasma once warned him to stop ‘favouring’ Leo so much, or it might make Valerie feel left out. He just brushed it off. He figured she would say something if it really bothered her.

Besides, Valerie always kept a bit to herself. Didn’t go out of her room much. And she was moody a lot. They had had their fair share of fights over the years, a hell of a lot more than he had with Leo. But that was just Valerie’s personality. Leo was the easygoing carefree twin, and Valerie was the introverted moody one. 

“Nothing’s going on. Can I finish packing now?” She said passive aggressively. Kylo started to feel her through their bond. He could also feel how hard she was trying to hold it back, and has been holding it back. She was tired. He could feel the exhaustion, the sorrow, the anger that’s been possessing her for a while now.

“Let me help.” Kylo offered. It was clear it was hard for her to talk about, so he decided to try and start the conversation with some small talk.

“I don’t need your help. Never have, and don’t need it now.” She spat. Her words stung him and Kylo could feel her anger rising, but his was rising as well. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Go help Leo. I’m fine.” She told him.

“Valerie, I am your father and I do not care for that tone-” Kylo was getting a bit aggravated, but it might’ve just been all of Valerie’s anger rubbing off on him.

“Father? Okay, so tell me when was the last time you were my  _ father _ ? Phasma trains with me, Hux tutors me. They help me if I need help. I never come to you and you never talk to me. I practically raised myself. You’re never there for me, but you’re always there for Leo and there’s no fucking reason for it. I’m smarter, I’m stronger, I work harder, I do so much more to try to make you proud of me, but you don’t even notice. You still favour him! Let’s face it, you’re a shitty person and an even shittier father.” Valerie’s dam burst. She let it all out. Tears started streaming down her face in the middle of her breakdown and she’d started shaking a bit as well. Her walls fell, in the force too. All her emotions fled out, hitting Kylo. It practically almost knocked the wind out of him. He absorbed all that anger and hurt, together with his own and he did something he’d regret for the rest of his life. He lost all self control, just for a split second. 

He force choked her.

Then Leo stormed inside after hearing all the commotion. 

“What’s goi- Dad, what the fuck?! Stop it!” Kylo snapped out of it and realized what he had done. Regret consumed him right away. Leo ran to Valerie who fell to the ground gasping for air. He hugged her while she coughed and cried. Her cries were filled with the same emotions, but now fear came as well. She was bawling and scream-crying at this point. She knew of the terrible things her father has done in the past, but she never thought he’d hurt her.

“Valerie, I’m so-” Kylo started to apologize, but Leo interrupted him. He stood up and looked his father straight in his eyes with pure venom.

“Get. Out.” He said with an eerie calmness. Kylo thought it might be for the best to just leave now, so he did. He couldn’t believe what he had done. How was he going to fix this? He promised himself to not  _ be _ Kylo Ren the supreme leader around his children. How could he have let himself do this?

Kylo went to the training room where he broke everything. He had a complete meltdown. 

“What- Ren what the fuck are you doing?” Hux said, interrupting Kylo’s breakdown. He hadn’t even noticed Hux come inside.

“FUCK OFF!” Kylo screamed as he threw more things around.

“Ren, CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND EXPLAIN!” Hux replied.

Kylo turned around and was ready to force choke Hux for speaking to him that way when it hit him. He was a monster. Kylo then broke down in tears and screamed. He’d expected Hux to make fun of him, but he was genuinely concerned.

“Kylo, let’s sit down,” Hux said in a stern but soft voice.

“I choked her! My own fucking child. How could I have done that?” Kylo said.

“What do you- Wait a min- Are you-.” Hux was a bit confused but then he connected the dots and his whole face changed. “Ren, did you choke Valerie?”

“Yes,” Kylo said with a voice crack and while putting his face in his hands. “We were talking-” Hux shushed him.

“I don’t want to hear it. There’s no situation where that’s okay, Ren. Stop this meltdown, you’re not the one who’s supposed to be crying. Don’t go to your quarters tonight. I’ll bring the kids to Vargos tomorrow. I think it’s best if you don’t talk to them for a while.” Hux said in a bitter and calm voice. He’d grown to care for the kids over the years, like they were his own. He would never openly admit it, but he did.  _ He _ wasn’t allowed to start a family, but part of him longed for one.

After that conversation, he turned swiftly on his heel and walked out of the training room to Kylo’s quarters. Valerie’s door was cracked open and when he looked inside he saw her and Leo on the ground. Her face was stained with dry tears. Leo was stroking her hair and she was staring in front of herself, emotionless. He saw some bruising around her neck. It would be worse tomorrow. He’d have to give her a turtleneck. 

He knocked softly on her door and opening it slightly more. She didn’t look up, but Leo did.

“Hux-” Leo started with an angry and protective voice.

“I’m not here on behalf of your fa- Kylo. I just came to say that I’ll be taking you to Vargos tomorrow. Unless, you’d rather have Phasma take you, or course.” Leo’s face softened.

“Thanks, Hux.” Then Hux decided to leave them alone. He closed the door and went to find Phasma to discuss what happened.

Meanwhile, Leo finished packing for Valerie as she just sat there. For the first time in a while, she wasn’t angry. Or sad, or jealous, or anything. Her emotions just switched off, but she felt lost. She was supposed to feel something, but she didn’t know what. She just didn’t really care.

“All done!” Leo stated while zipping up her suitcase.

“Thanks,” Valerie said, speaking for the first time since she stopped crying.

“Hey, Val. I got an idea. Let’s have one last sleepover and build a fort. Just for old times sake.” They built forts a lot, it was a way for them to cheer each other up. Usually after a nightmare, but if this wasn’t a nightmare, he wouldn’t know what was.

“Okay, in your room?” Valerie looked up at him with a fake smile. She didn’t want to do anything right now. Just go to sleep, alone, but she knew Leo probably needed this more than her. He needed to know she was okay, so he’d be okay.

“Sure.” He grinned at her.

“I’ll be right there. Let me just change into my PJ’s first.”

“Okay! Don’t take too long, sis.” He bent down and kissed her forehead and left.

Valerie couldn’t really bring herself to stand up.

“Hi, honey.” Valerie jumped up. She thought she was alone in her room, but now suddenly a random woman was standing in front of her.

“Who the fuck are you?!” Valerie screamed. She didn’t really interact with a lot of different people. She couldn’t even if she wanted to. Kylo would think it was too dangerous, even though he’s the only one who’s ever made her feel unsafe.

“Don’t be frightened, please.” The woman said with a soft voice and kind smile. The closer Valerie inspected the stranger the woman looked. She wasn’t even a woman! She was radiating blue light and wasn’t made of matter. She looked like a person but wasn’t. She had 3 perfect buns in her hair. 

“I’m Rey, your mother.” The woman said. Valerie was shocked. She couldn’t move. She didn’t understand how that could be, but part of her wanted to believe that woman. “I’m sorry I’ve only come now and under these circumstances, but let me explain. When Kylo um-” There was a slight hesitation. “Took you in, I wanted to come right away and explain everything, but you were too young to understand and when you were older, well I didn’t want to flip your life around, I still don’t, but you need someone. Let me be that someone.”

“What the fuck?” Valerie said after a bit of silence. Rey chuckled. “Explain what? Took me in? How are you here? I don’t-” Rey interrupted.

“Let me explain everything. There is a light in Kylo, Ben is still inside him. I’ve seen Ben. And Ben is your father, not Kylo. After I got pregnant with you and Leo I was too scared to tell Ben, fearing Kylo would take over, and that was the worst thing I could’ve done. When he found out it sent him over the edge.” Rey started explaining what happened. She explained why there were a lot of photos of Leo when he was a baby, but none of Valerie’s. Valerie always figured it was for the same reason her father spent so much more time with Leo than her: he loved him more.

To spare Valerie more pain, Rey left out that Kylo was the one who killed her. She said it was some stormtrooper. Rey didn’t want Valerie to despise Kylo, because Valerie and Leo are the ones who could get Ben back. They  _ have _ been bringing Ben back for the past 14 years, but they just didn’t know. Them leaving might make Kylo fall back deeper into the darkness, but she wouldn’t, she couldn’t tell them to stay. Kylo broke today. Even Rey had never expected him to do such a thing. She was worried it might get worse and it wouldn’t be safe for them, but she didn’t want them to cut him off completely. They couldn’t give up on him just yet. She just wanted them to call once in a while to keep him sane and on the edge of falling into the darkness forever.

“I hope you understand, honey.” Valerie felt like her world just fell apart. How was she supposed to act like everything was okay? How was she going to tell Leo? Could she tell Leo? “Valerie, I can’t stay for much longer. Otherwise, Kylo Ren might sense I’m here. I’ll try to see you more often when you start at Vargos-” Valerie interrupted. She’d been silent for the whole story because she was just in shock and didn’t know what to feel, but now what she felt was clear.

“Don’t bother.” She said bitterly. Rey was clearly taken aback.” My whole life has basically just been a lie and you let me live it and  _ now _ when everything’s starting to fall apart, you decide to tell me? It’s too much. I didn’t need to know this. Just leave.” Rey’s face fell.

“Okay. I’m sorry. If you ever need me, just call out.” Then, just like that Rey disappeared and Valerie was alone again.

Then her door burst open.

“Valerie, what’s taking you so long?” Leo said as he walked in, already in his PJs.

“Sorry, Leo. I’m not up to build a fort. I just want to go to sleep, okay?” What Rey had just told her was eating her alive. She wanted to tell Leo, but she couldn’t put him through what she just went through.

“That’s okay,” Leo said as his face softened. “Do you still want to sleep in my room or…?” 

“No, I’m fine. I’ll just see you tomorrow, okay?” Valerie replied.

“Okay, goodnight.” Leo said and left, closing the door behind him.

Valerie didn’t sleep at all that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't planning to update until next week Saturday, because I have so much to do for school and I have a bunch of MUN's this and next week and i literally haven't even started doing anything for them. I was going to start today, but procrastination so I wrote my longest chapter yet lol.  
> Also the force ghost Rey wasn't my idea, so shout out to sorryabouttheangst lmao. Thanks for always commenting and reading and giving me new ideas.  
> Thanks for reading y'all xxx


End file.
